The unexpected....

Ever have that feeling like everything is just crumbling beneath you? That feeling like the rug was just pulled beneath your feet? It has to be one of the worst feelings in the world! I recall that feeling.... January 1st I called my mom and spoke to her for a little bit in the evening. About 20 minutes later I tried again but got no answer. So I called my sister and told her "Hey, let mom know there are supposed to be really good coupons in the paper today so pick up some extras!" .... I won't forget that moment.... it's like the rug was being yanked ever so slowly out from under me as she said "Did you talk to mom? Dad's on his way to the hospital... he fell." I don't know a whole lot more about what was going on. I talked to my brother for a second on the phone after I hung up with my sister and told him what happened. We both surmised he fell out of bed and he went to the hospital basically because he could have fractured his leg which could be dangerous. He said it's the most "vascular bone" in the body or something I vaguely recall. Then the call came from my mom.... that's when the rug really began to move and I realized this was not just a little shaking ground... it could be serious.
     "Dad fell out of bed, I told him to go to the hospital but he said he was okay"...... as she told me everything I tried to soak it up surmising it was probably another mild heart attack.... and if anyone could have one and just walk away like it was nothing a few days later, it was my dad! The man who had multiple heart attacks and multiple strokes. Little did I know, that was not the case. My dad got to the hospital, my mom came not long after, and as they took him in she said he told her "I love you... tell the kids I love them."

     That night I paced the house.... I could not sleep. I wanted so desperately to get to Ohio so I could visit with my dad. I thought what if I can leave tonight, at midnight, get there, visit with my dad some, and head home tomorrow in the morning so Stephen can get to work if needed?..... I talked to my other brother.... I really wanted to know it would be okay. My dad was in surgery... it was 10..... 11..... 12...... 1......2.... and sometime in the night I got the call he was out of surgery finally. A surgery for a stint that should have taken an hour took way more than anticipated. And that's when the rug REALLY was pulled....
     From my understanding they had to revive him during surgery. He was on a special machine that was making his heart work. It was some sort of new technology and if there was anything that could help him at all... that's what it would be. We would not know until the morning how he was. It was a 24 hour period of icing him down and then the warm up period. Waiting..... waiting........
     The next morning I went to the gym, worked out trying to get my mind off of everything but could not. I came home, told my husband I knew in my gut it was not good we need to pack up the kids and go. I spoke to my sister and brother in law and they said the same thing, get down there. We packed 5 kids and ourselves in a matter of 20 minutes and got on the road. About 15 minutes into the ride I called to tell them we were on our way and while on the phone my sister in law informed me his vitals were very unstable. The family decided that if he coded, they were not going to call a code blue. It's what he would want. I cried the whole ride there.... I have to say it was THE longest ride to Ohio in my life although my husband probably got us there the fastest. It's a a blur and in a fog.
     That night I was able to be with my dad one last time.... one last time to give him a hug.... one last time to hold his hand..... one last time to give him a kiss on his cheek. It broke my heart to say goodbye to the man who is my dad, my father, the man that no matter how many arguments we got into - he still loved me. My dad... a man who worked his butt off, cared about his family more than life itself..... who found humor in every situation! Gathered around my dad, was his wife (my mom), 5 children, his granddaughter, daughter-in-law, son-in-law, ex-daughter-in-law, and son's pastor... and on the phone his 2 sons in Alabama. We prayed..... we cried..... we laughed..... as at his side our hearts broke in two as to everyone of us it felt like the rug had been pulled out from beneath us as his life had so quickly been taken. Peacefully my dad went home to be with the Lord. My heart still aches for him.... for all his silly jokes and crazy things he did! He was an amazing dad.... I don't know why God took him so early at only 69 but I am sure there is a reason. But I do know he is probably up there in Heaven having a grand time..... looking down at us anxious for our arrivals too!



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“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid."
John 14:27

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Can it get any worse?

     Oh these days are the best aren't they? When you wake up at 7 a.m. and you just want to climb back into that nice cozy warm place that's called bed. The place where for a little while the cares of everything go away while you rest. I have had those days (or nights!)
     The flu season... yes! My arch enemy every year! I will never forget the winter flu season of 2010-2011.... by far the WORST flu season I have ever experienced. Why you ask? Well....Tabitha wakes with the flu ... I take care of her at 4 a.m. She JUST finished up with her 'cleansing session' of hovering around a pan....(of which I felt I needed a good cleanse after).... and in walks Austanne at 6 a.m.... "Mommy! Mommy!" and that was about all she got out before the next round hit...... By around 8 a.m. when Austanne was through her worst part of it.... in walks David.... poor David.... "Mama, my belly hurts..." and yes, you know the rest. Not long after I had James toddle his way in the room.... why yes, I was blessed with a houseful of sick kids! And not only were they sick... I tried with everything I had to will myself not sick... but it just was not working! I prayed... "God... PLEASE do not let another child get sick" and you know... everytime another one did! I prayed "God, please don't let me get sick! We have 1 bathroom.... please God!" and you know what? I was joining the kids..... then walks in Aaron. The innocent in it all.... and wouldn't you know it was about 2 hours after James got knocked down with it he was hit with the bug.
     I sat back and thought REALLY!? .... Why? This was really a bad situation! I was home, with 5 kids... alone (Stephen was snow plowing.... of which kept him immune to getting this round).... and here I was trying not to be sick myself while I cleaned this kid and that kid.... and we literally took turns around the toilet! At some points there were 4 people laying on the bathroom floor!
     All this makes me look back and think of the story of David. He was running from Saul and he prayed and asked God basically like "God... is this going to happen?" And God was like... "Ummm.... YUP!" and David was probably thinking "oh crap!".... then he was like "Okay God... but what about this... like this is the worst case scenario here...." and God was like "ummm... yup!".... How much more sucky could it get than someone wanting you dead and your thinking ... Okay it can't be really THAT bad... but um.... yeah it was. But in the end, God seen him through it all and he became the king! Sometimes we have to go through the worst parts and through the hard times... to get to the good times! Like I was told when I was younger, sometimes it has to get worse, before it can get better!

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Psalm 31:24

New Living Translation (NLT)

So be strong and courageous,
    all you who put your hope in the Lord!

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The stage was set - the war was ready!

     The stage was set outside Detroit- the war was ready..... Daddy was pulling in the driveway with Aaron after a long days work. Strategically placed were Tabitha, David, Austanne, James and myself. The weapons were prepared and ready for fire. Sneakily we came and surrounded the truck.... they seemed to know we were up to something. We yelled and shouted for them to come out, they were surrounded, but it was to no avail. Finally, a door popped open, Daddy came out, a few minutes later Aaron came out. it was ALL OUT WAR!
     Ammo was flying everywhere, victims left and right.... many repeatedly hit. This was serious! I tried to take cover and duck but it was to no use. I had been targeted and hit. Once in the back, twice in the neck/head. This was serious.... payback was on its way! The boys jumped in trying to help but it was useless, they too were taken out as they ran out of ammo. Soon, Austanne was under attack, and we had to defend her. Racing through the yard we began a full-on attack and took out Aaron. The only ones left were Tabitha, Daddy and Austanne..... and Daddy was using Tabitha's ammo.... at the end of the battle Aaron managed to sneak ammo from Tabitha and aimed at Austanne.... unknowingly she grabbed at a bowl and held it up in her frustration and it worked as a shield and guarded her from the attack!
     This ammo? Good old fashioned water balloons .... 75+ to be more precise! The motive: to have fun! You see, this all started on an afternoon trip to K-mart. The four munchkins and I set out in the morning to get gas an a gallon of milk... we got gas and the kids begged and pleaded to go to Meijer - why? Because they sold zoobles! Instead I opted for K-mart. We get our milk and some other items and hit the toy department so Austanne could spend her $3 she earned and Tabitha could spend her money (79 cents). Needless to say after about five minutes I was ready to rip my hair out! WHAT was I thinking of taking four kids ages 2 1/2 - 6 down the toy aisle of a store?! Obviously I wasn't thinking I wanted to stay sane much longer!
     After a half an hour the kids found something for their money - Austanne, her beloved zooble.... James, a swimming noodle, David, bubbles (and a toy Story Garbage man truck that he REALLY wanted but had NO idea that I bought it for him - for a later date).... and Tabitha walked away sad because she was not allowed to buy the huge My Little Pony set up that was only $29 more than what she had.... nor could she buy the princess set that was again, about $20 more than what she had.... so on our way to the front to pay for our stuff we spotted the box/package of water balloons! Joy! David put back his bubble and we bought 2 packages of water balloons! We came home, the kids ate lunch, napped and I spent the next hour and a half filling water balloons (and breaking just as many if not more all over myself as they filled in my kitchen sink!)

     All this to say.... was it worth it? Was it worth not getting some huge expensive toy that she probably did not need? Was it worth the crying? Was it worth the wait of finding something that we REALLY wanted? Was it worth spending an hour an a half filling up water balloons? Was it worth/is it worth me still finding balloons all over my house (thank God that are not full of water!)....? I have to say yes!
     These are the children that God has blessed me with.... These are the moments and the memories that I get to create with them! Is it worth getting wet from? Yes! Is it worth hearing them cry and complain? Yes.... although they drive me nuts with that!!!! I know when I married my husband 7 1/2 years ago I never imagined that we would have this many kids and so close in age! I wanted a lot of kids but I could not have pictured life like this! I am beyond blessed and SO thankful for not only my children but also for my husband who also is willing to jump right in and join us in playing! Is it worth it all? Yes, Yes and YES!

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Psalm 127:3-5

³ Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
     the fruit of the womb a reward.
⁴ Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
    are the children^[a] of one's youth.
⁵ Blessed is the man
    who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
    when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.^[b]

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Washing Windows in Chocolate Milk....

     I heard the gurgling noises coming from the kitchen (red flag #1)..... heard some laughter (red flag #2)..... heard Tabitha whispering the boys some encouraging cheers (red flag #3).......silence followed by more gurgling noises......(HUGE red flag #4). I entered the kitchen.... this was a 5 alarm situation!
     To my dismay, my boys, David and James had decided to "wash the windows" with the paper towel I had previously given to them to wipe up their mess of chocolate milk they had from their Cocoa Crispies cereal. And they did not just nicely take the paper towel and wipe the windows with a CLEAN paper towel... oh no! That would have been TOO easy! Instead they decided with the aid of their big sister cheering them on, to blow as many bubbled in their cereal as they possibly could, make a mess, wipe said mess with the paper towels and then giggle in glee as they "helped" clean my windows!
     Needless to say, the windows had a nice somewhat foggy frost to them. I took a nice deep breath, looked them sternly in the eye and they knew I meant business. This was beyond yelling at them to clean it up.... this was beyond giving them a paddle for the disaster they created (it wasn't just the windows, it was the table, the floors.... ALL the surroundings!) This situation called for a deep inhale, exhale and a calm response that came out of my mouth with the evil death glare in my eye, "I am leaving the room and counting to 10.... you had better have it cleaned up before I come back in." Needless to say.... they did. They worked like little busy bees  to clear any evidence of their creative cleaning abilities!
     That moment was not a moment I was truly happy with my little ones! It had already been a chaotic and stressful day. So much had overshadowed that day that it was really the most I could handle! See, it wasn't JUST the kids washing the windows in chocolate milk.... it was my garbage disposal getting jammed with a quarter and thinking it would be another year or better before my husband could get around to fixing it.... it was a day of kids arguing about who got the big spoon and who got the blue bowl..... another day where our dog managed to take out a few kids with her huge cone that seems to have become a permanent fixture on her head... but most of all, it was my birthday that was overshadowed with the sadness that my dad was not there but rather he was celebrating in Heaven with our Savior. I missed him a lot, and as lame as it was, I especially missed that yearly birthday call where he sang happy birthday to me so out of tune that it was hilarious! My heart ached for my daddy....
     I have to think, I know there have been so many other times where I have been guilty of getting the situation so off and in the extreme other side of what it really is, because my vision is not clear. I am not seeing things for how they really are, but I am allowing the stress of outside influences play into my decision making process. So the kids washed the windows in chocolate milk.... they are kids. It's JUST chocolate milk.... it washed off and nothing was ruined. Even if something WAS ruined, whats more valueable, them or some material possession? It brings to light just how important it is to really keep focused on whats important and not let the temporary play a role into how we see things but rather let the eternal be our focus on everything!

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Romans 12:2...
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

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freedom

     As I discussed freedom, and how we have gotten it, Austanne expressed serious outrage! She was shocked that not everyone had the freedoms that we have! She was shocked there are places where people choose not to love one another nor serve Jesus! She could not believe how some places women have no freedoms and people have no freedom to protest that which they do not agree with.
     It was good to see she understood AND she cared! She said to me VERY seriously... "But Mom, don't they know... it's not all about them... it's all about Jesus! They need to be nice!" She was a very unhappy girl as we discussed this topic! Our discussion came full circle as we talked about how it's not that the people themselves choose to make the bad choices, it's that they don't know any better. They have been taught it is okay from the previous generation. They have been taught that a false god is the true Living God. But that the best way for them to change and allow those freedoms to come into their lives, is by giving their hearts and lives to Jesus. This is the purpose of a missionary: to tell them the love of Christ. Because through Christ, the bondage of sin is broken and the freedom of life is given!
     I encourage you today, to look at your freedoms and not only thank God, but for sure take time and thank a soldier, but also take time and thank a missionary or a preacher! The soliders fight for our freedoms which is an amazing gift we can never repay..... the missionary and pastor or preacher help teach the freedom in Christ so people can be free from the bondage of sin..... and Jesus gives us that freedom! Have a blessed Memorial Day and let us remember those who gave all they had!

Embarrassing moments.....

     Lined up at the starting line were David, Tabitha, James, Austanne, two neighbor kids, and three other girls from the neighborhood. All waiting for me to say "GO!" ....then in the silence .... in the most waited for words we all heard it.... "pffftttt." 
     Quickly all the heads in the line turned and looked. A quick glare from all directions came my way as I innocently looked down.... at the child hidden behind my legs. "Who did it?" a little girl asked... I looked over and said, "well... I don't think we have to wonder WHO for too long!" We all observed James in hiding with face all red of embarrassment! Funny, even a two year old found it embarrassing to fart in public! 
     In life, it's never fun to be the one who does something embarrassing infront of everyone else! It's never fun to be the one in church who may have nodded off for a second or two and then suddenly realized it giving a shout of "Amen!" to sound more spiritual only to realize the preacher just read "Let her be like a loving, female deer. Let her breasts please you at all times... from Proverbs 5:19-20.... or to be the lady at church who gets up to sing a solo Easter - the most church packed day of the year, to discover your dress had somehow became tucked in your pantyhose in the back.... yes those moments are never fun! It's in those times you want to hide!
     I recall moments of embarrassment for me! Moments where my kids embarrassed me (licking their plate in a restaurant), me embarrassing myself (7 months pregnant in the truck with my husband confused how my boots had gotten in his truck, only to realize I was wearing them!) or just embarrassed maybe from past mistakes of failures (when we had lost our home to foreclosure). 
     See, those are things where yes, we are embarrassed but it's more of a pride thing.... or a blonde moment thing. But there are times when we should not be embarrassed but be bold. I encourage you to take a stand, and not be embarrassed or ashamed of Jesus, but stand tall in Him.... don't hide behind the preachers legs in fear of others laughing at you.... but share the good news about Jesus! For it is Him and through Him that we can face anything! And it is through Him we can face the embarrassment and shame we may feel from all of our past failures... and even our future ones!


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"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek."

Romans 1:16 ESV

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Letting fear take hold...

     Just like FDR said "What's to fear but fear itself?" .... I pondered that thought as I took the kids to Warren City Square today for them to play in the fountains! It's a fun place where they can cool off and get out plenty of energy.... just in time to come home and crash!

     As we arrived the kids were SO excited. This was their surprise for doing their work all week even though we missed one day of school this week they managed to get five days worth of school done in just four! I was proud of them! I told them this was what the reward was.... Oh the joy on their faces! 

     As we stepped into the large area the girls ran towards the fountains thrilled to get soaked.... David was hesitant and scared while James sat back and decided this was too unsafe and scary for him! After about 15 minutes, David decided to join in on the fun as the girls and I ran through the fountains having a blast! I held his hand and he went in and together we were drenched! Oh the smile on his face! It was priceless! James still stood back, scared and unsure of this whole 'water business'. 

     As we began to prepare to leave, David, Austanne and Tabitha were soaked head to toe.... I was also. James was mostly wet but not horribly. See, he only managed to get wet when he ventured closer to the fountain, but he never became full immersed in the fountain therefore he was not soaked. 

     How is that in our lives? Do you have a fear that keeps you from stepping in the fountain? Are you afraid if you step out in faith of what may happen? Are you like Austanne and Tabitha facing fear full tilt ready to get soaked with whatever God has for you? Are you like David perhaps, apprehensive but sure He has a plan and would not do anything to endanger you, so you soak it up for a few minutes and then step out in faith, becoming soaked in God's plan for your life and walk away filled with joy? Or are you like James.... holding onto what you know is safe, what you know is solid ground, unwilling to reach out to receive God's richest blessings due to fear? I encourage you to not let fear hold you back..... but rather face it down because if God is for us, who can be against us?

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Matthew 14:28-33

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

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No use crying over spilled juice...

     Enjoying the nice beauty of a house that was clean, I began to relax! Then..... it came.... "MOM! MOM! HURRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Knowing that was the sound of panic coming from my 5 year old, I rushed in the kitchen..... as I rushed in, all my relaxation rushed out! James (2 1/2) decided he was big boy enough to get the huge bottle of purple grape juice out of the fridge, and pour it in his own sippy cup... 

     Stop right there.... if the kid still requires a sippy cup... WHY on earth is he attempting to pour his own juice? No idea... but nevertheless he did. And there sat Tabitha at the table, grape juice flowing like a river all over her and all her coloring pages she just finished coloring. James was upset he had no juice in his cup and Tabitha was mad (to put it lightly) that her brother decided to dump it all over her! 

     In walks David, mop in hand, ready to clean up the mess. He waits a few as I attempt to clean most with a towel. Then he proceeds to get water on his mop (what he could get from the bathtub) and mop the kitchen floor. Great idea.... except he was just mopping grape juice all around. He then decided to mop the living room and his sisters room and the playroom. Big boy helper (I appreciated the effort) kind of made it a little bit of a sticky situation. 

     An hour later, the house is re-mopped, the kids are happy and life is back to "normal"..... well as "normal" as we can be! Our feet still stick to the floor a little bit.... 

     Ever have this happen to you? Just wanting to bask in the moment, enjoy the breath of fresh air you seem to have been given? Then suddenly, unexpectedly, its yanked away and chaos ensues! But its not about how you react to the relaxation that is important, but its about the reaction in the chaos. Do you stand back, take a breath and say "God... I need you to help me through this"... or do you take hold of it and say... "well... once again I am left to deal with this mess... let me pull out my gloves and start cleaning!" 

     I know I am guilty of saying "well let me deal with it"... but I need to step back and breath and let God be in control... not myself. Otherwise, if I take control, its going to be like it was with David trying to take control and 'help' ... its only going to make the problem spread out more, over a bigger area, it may not be as noticeable, but it's still there and not too long after, it's going to leave a sticky mess of yuck everywhere you go! 

     I encourage you, and myself, when faced with the chaos of life, step back, and let God take control. Sounds hard... but it's best! 

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Luke 11:11-13

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?  Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?  If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

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The Two-Headed bug...

     Down a busy highway, through a small town, into the countryside of Florida we drove. The roads we long, and at times empty and barren while other roads were just sand with some really crazy names! We arrived after about an hour and a half long drive outside Orlando while on our honeymoon to our destination of the day.... Bear Claw Ranch! This looked promising! Stephen (my husband) and I were pumped with excitement! Off roading is not something we can really do in Detroit.... unless it's off roading due to a massive pothole (which is very possible!) We pulled into the dusty parking lot, and as we gathered our things together, I looked out our car window.... and what did I see but none other than a two-headed bug! WOW!

     Imagine my shock! I looked at Stephen in disbelief! I said, "Hurry! Give me the camera! I HAVE to get a picture of THIS!" He chuckled at me.... I had no idea WHY he was laughing! Did he not realize how rare this was? A bug with a head on either end of it! WOW! I just HAD to get a picture of this to show the kids! I was SO excited! I said, "Hurry! Come on!!! Give me your phone so I can take a picture! Mine's already packed away!".... he looked at me, and as serious looking as he could be he said to me... "Missy.... it's not a two-headed bug.... they are just mating." 

     Oh, wow..... there went my shot at becoming some millionaire for spotting some super rare two-headed bug! There went my chance to show the kids when we did a science lesson a picture of this bug. My excitement went from "WOW!" to.... "wow...." with a confused and embarrassed feeling. 

    Have you ever had a moment like that? Where you think "Wow! This is it! WOW! Check it out!!!!" just to realize... "oops.... swallow your pride, it's not all that cool!" I don't know about you, but sometimes you just have to love those 'aha' moments from God and you have to say, "thank you God for helping me put it in perspective! For making me realize, I am me... and You are You! You deserve to be praised!" 

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Proverbs 11:2

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, 
    but with humility comes wisdom.

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Bug Poo....

"Beep! Beep! Beep!" the kitchen timer goes off. The kids are finishing up brushing their teeth and going potty before nap..... well most of the kids that is. There at the table was James, finishing up eating onions (he refused to eat his sandwich for lunch but rather wanted a helping of plain onions).... when a fly caught his attention. I did not think too much of this fly nor of James doing anything to it..... that was until I walked back in the kitchen from the bathroom.
     "Mama! Mama! I got bug poop on me! I got bug poop on me!" .... yes, welcome to my world! My 2 year old son caught a fly with his bare hands and squished it together, leaving the remnants of the very flies existence on him. The joy he had of catching the fly was gone and overshadowed with the disgust of the "bug poop" that was now on his hand (it was the fly's wing).
     We went in the bathroom, and David was still at the sink finishing up brushing his teeth. James came over, and David held his hand for him as he helped his little brother get "the bug poop" off of him and helped clean him up!
     What a picture that is of our lives! I don't know about you, but I know there have been times where I have dabbled in this or played with that and my joy of it was suddenly lost when I realized the "poo" I had gotten myself into! No longer was it fun, but rather there was a consequence for my action..... a consequence I much rather would not like to have! I think upon this and think of how my Savior came, and HE washed ME of that "poo" and cleansed me from that "poo" and the remnants of that sin.... loving me and encouraging me through it all.
     I encourage you to step back, take a look at yourself and what you are doing. Is it for man? Is it for God? Do you have "bug poop" on you so to speak? If so, let the Savior take your hand and wash you up!


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Psalm 51 

You are kind, God!
    Please have pity on me.
    You are always merciful!
    Please wipe away my sins.
² Wash me clean from all
    of my sin and guilt.
³ I know about my sins,
    and I cannot forget
    my terrible guilt.
⁴ You are really the one
    I have sinned against;
    I have disobeyed you
    and have done wrong.
So it is right and fair for you
    to correct and punish me.

⁵ I have sinned and done wrong
    since the day I was born.
⁶ But you want complete honesty,
    so teach me true wisdom.
⁷ Wash me with hyssop^[a]
    until I am clean
    and whiter than snow.
⁸ Let me be happy and joyful!
    You crushed my bones,
    now let them celebrate.
⁹ Turn your eyes from my sin
    and cover my guilt.
¹⁰ Create pure thoughts in me
    and make me faithful again.
¹¹ Don’t chase me away from you
    or take your Holy Spirit
    away from me.

¹² Make me as happy as you did
when you saved me;
    make me want to obey!
¹³ I will teach sinners your Law,
    and they will return to you.
¹⁴ Keep me from any deadly sin.
    Only you can save me!
    Then I will shout and sing
    about your power to save.

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